Week 6 Days 36 – 42 (1980 – 1974)
Well if you’re still with me this far on the journey you’re either above average keen or above average loyal– and for that I truly thank you. For my part I am going to share a tough few days, and why.
The last couple of weeks of this cleanse has led me into deeper feelings of lack of self-worth than I ever thought possible, and which peaked this week. These are feelings I had thought I had left well behind me – but no. I also know I’m not alone in this. In fact I’m aware that almost all of the human race feels worthless to some extent or another. These feelings may be covered up by ego, entertainment, busy-ness, identification with an organisation, team or family group etc. etc. but they are still there. We are not born feeling worthless, this is something we have learnt – from our carers, our peers, our teachers, yet knowing that doesn’t help move us on. It explains their source but not the solution. We have been taught comparison, competition and the need to achieve. We have been taught what to believe rather than how to find out for ourselves. We have been taught to follow others rather than follow ourselves and our inner guidance. It is rarely acknowledged that we are all one, that every other person on the planet is our brother or sister, and that when we damage another living thing in any way we damage ourselves. As a consequence we have forgotten the unity that we were born with. We didn’t know we were considered to be separate until someone told us. We didn’t know we were expected to DO something in order to validate ourselves and our worth.
In effect we are taught to lead the lives others think we should, by people who in turn were themselves taught to lead the lives others thought they should etc etc ad infinitum. And because we ultimately cannot please others we feel, and have often been told, that we are doing it wrong, don’t meet the mark, have failed in some way or another. We feel bad. We react either by trying harder to fit in or by rebelling; but whichever way we go we still feel bad, less than enough and unsafe inside.
These are the feelings I have been aware of this week and I’ll be honest it hasn’t been at all pleasant. Yes, things have been done to make me feel bad in the past, and now those suppressed and unexpressed feelings are bubbling up again. But here’s the good news – yes things have been done but where they have been done they can also be undone. Not by changing the past, – as Agathon wrote several hundred years BC, ‘Not even God can change the past’ – but by accepting it, feeling it, letting it move through. Rather than holding on to it in the cells where it will fester, possibly for years, and cause long term damage and ultimately ill health, it is possible to clear the memories from the cell. This is why detoxing is so powerful, it can clear old and painful memories, but when you go really deep, when you really hit the root cause, especially when, as in my case, it’s been there for DECADES (I exaggerate not!), things might need a helping hand to go alongside the physical cleanse.
So what have I been doing to help this move through both my physical body and emotional experience?
- 11/22’s – a specific and powerful writing out technique for removing old memories
- Fastwriting – writing out all out
- Magnesium baths/ magnetic clay footbaths
- Fast exercise and 5 Tibetan rites
- Parasite sounds/vibration – I have been desperate for the capsules to arrive as I’m suspecting the depth of the feelings I am experiencing despite all this activity is due to them on the move and heading out and the sooner they are gone the sooner I’ll feel better.
- ASEA + spray, Renu28,
- Gratitude – looking at what you have
- Sharing on the ’28 Day Power Cleanse’ private Facebook page
- Self worth visualisations from a recent course I did
- and SELF LOVE (ie all of the above, giving myself priority – indeed the cleanse itself is an act of self love)
The upshot is that after several days of feeling pretty rough I can now feel myself emerging and feeling physically fit and emotionally much, much stronger. The anti-parasite capsules did arrive midweek and I have been taking them for a few days. I have added black strap molasses to the smoothies for added B vitamins, and also doing more fast exercise. Which of these has made the key difference I’m not sure, but the combination somewhere along the line has shifted the balance towards feeling totally different by the end of the week. I’ve still got about 3 weeks to go so we’ll see if this difference can be maintained. If it is I feel it will constitute a major breakthrough, but for the moment I’m taking it all day by day.
See you next week.